VERSE 20: DUTY AND RESPONSIBILITY OF CHILDREN
“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord”
“Children, obey your parents in all things”–This is the first great duty which God has placed on children. It is to do what their parents command them to do.
The God of Nature indicates that this is the duty of children, for He has impressed it on the minds of all in every age; and the Author of Revelation confines it. It is particularly important,
1. Because the good order of a family, and hence of the community, depends on it.
No community or family being prosperous where there is not due subordination in the household.
2. Because the welfare of the child depends on it.
It is of the highest importance that a child should early be taught obedience to law, as no one can be prosperous or happy who is not obedient.
3. Because the child is not yet competent enough to reason what is right.
Nor is the child yet qualified to direct himself; and since that is the case, he must be subject to the will of some other person.
4. Because the parent, by his age and experience, is to be presumed to be qualified to direct and guide a child.
Love which God has implanted in the heart of a parent for a child generally secures the administration of this domestic government in such a way as not to injure the child. A father will not, unless under strong passion or the excitement of intoxication, abuse his authority. He loves the child too much to do so. He desires his child’s welfare; and the placing of the child under the authority of the parent is about the same thing, in regard to the welfare of the child, as it would be to endow the child at once with all the wisdom and experience of the parent himself.
CHILDREN:. (Grk.–tekna)–This word usually signifies those who are young; those who are still dependent on their parents for the daily needs. but it is here used, evidently, to denote those who were under the care and government of their parents, or those who were not of age.
OBEY: (Grk.––hypakouete)–Literally: “To listen under (as looking up), to hearken, to heed, to obey. In everything that your parents command you, which is not contrary to the will or Word of God.
This command really has three features:
1. The child is to obey constantly.
2. Obedience must be toward both parents.
This fact implies that both parents are to agree about what is expected of their children.
3. Obedience extends to “all things.”
IN ALL THINGS: (Grk.––kata panta)–This is the hard part for the child, not just occasional obedience, but continual obedience. This includes all aspects of daily life: work ,play, church and social activities.
Surely a Christian father or mother will not make unreasonable or unjust demands of the child. Nowhere does modern civilization show more weakness than right here. Waves of lawlessness sweep over the world because children are not being taught to obey.
“for this is well pleasing unto {the} Lord”
Literally: “for this is pleasing to the Lord”—The oldest manuscripts read, “in the Lord,” that is, this is acceptable to God when it is done in the Lord, namely, from the principle of faith, and as disciples in union with the Lord.
And this is sufficient reason to engage to the obedience to this duty; for whatever is grateful and well pleasing to God ought to be done with pleasure by us, from a principle of love to Him, by faith in Him, and with a view to His glory. Then such an action is acceptable in His sight through Jesus Christ our Lord.
VERSE 21: PARENTS
“Fathers, provoke not your children {to anger}, lest they be discouraged.”
“Fathers, provoke not your children {to anger},”
Literally: “Fathers, do not provoke your children”—A command addressed particularly to “fathers,”
because they are at the head of the family, and its government is especially committed to them.
Paul’s object here is, to show parents that their commands should be reasonable and easily obeyed. If children are required to "obey," it is only reasonable that the commands of the parent should be such that can be readily obeyed, or such that do not cause the child to be discouraged in his attempt to obey. This statement is in accordance with what Paul said in Epoh. 5:22-25 regarding the relation of husband and wife. It was the duty of the wife to obey , but it was also the corresponding duty of the husband to display such a character that it would be pleasant for her to yield obedience, or inspire her to obedience.
The husband is to love his wife in such a manner that his known wish would be good and reasonable law to her. In like manner it is the duty of children to obey a parent; but likewise it is the duty of a parent to exhibit such a character, and to maintain such a government, that it would be proper for the child to obey; or even wish to obey, his command. The father should command nothing that is unreasonable or improper, but to train up his children in the ways of virtue and pure Christian faithfulness.
PROVOKE: (Grk.–erethizō)–Literally: “to arouse to strife.”
“lest they be discouraged.”
Literally: “that they may not be disheartened”—–That is, by unreasonable commands; by needless severity; by the manifestation of anger.
Lest they be discouraged; or disheartened and dispirited and their spirits broken through grief and trouble. This will result in them becoming lazy, shiftless or sluggish, and unfit for business; or, despairing of having any share in the affections of their parents, they will disregard their commands, instructions, and corrections, and grow obstinate, stubborn, and even rebellious. On the plus side, they should be encouraged.
DISCOURAGED: (Grk.–athumeō)–Literally: “be disheartened.”–If you are continually finding fault with them it could cause them to lose all courage, and despair of ever pleasing you.
He who always finds fault with a child; who is never satisfied with what he does; who scolds and frets and complains, breaks the child’s spirit, and soon destroys his desire of doing well. Then, in desperation, the child gives up every effort to please. He becomes sullen, pessimistic, and indifferent to all the motives that can be presented to him, and to a great extent becomes indifferent as to what he does–since all that he does meets with the same negative reception from the parent.
So govern them, and so punish them, (if punishment becomes necessary) in such a manner that they shall not lose their confidence in you, but shall continue to love you. Paul here has hit on the very danger to which parents are most exposed in the government of their children. It is that of:
1. Souring their temper;
2. Making them feel that the parent is under the influence of anger,
And that it is right for them to be so too. This is done:
When the commands of a parent are unreasonable and severe. The spirit of a child then becomes irritated, and he is “discouraged;”
Children should NOT be flattered; this means that they should not be so praised as to make them vain and proud, but they should be commended when they do well. The desire of praise should not be the principle from which they should be taught to act, but they should feel that the approval of parents is a desirable thing, and when they act so as to deserve that approval, no injury is done them by their understanding it.
Likewise, children do not need to be constantly entertained. Many mothers seem to think that their children must constantly be entertained, and especially by them (i.e., the mothers). They definitely do not need to be entertained by the hell-ivision! They should be made to learn how to entertain themselves. This will teach them to develop thinking and their own ingenuity. You will find that children have within themselves the means to keep themselves entertained or occupied; to think for themselves what to do, if they are allowed to do so.
VERSES 22-25: THE COMMANDS
Two commands are given.
VERSE 22: SERVANTS AND/OR SLAVES
“Servants, obey in all things (your) masters according to the flesh; not with eye service, as men pleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God:”
COMMAND #1: The slave Must Obey His Master
“Servants, obey in all things {your} masters according to the flesh”
Literally: “Slaves obey the lords according to the flesh in all things”– That is, in all things relating to the body, and bodily service;
not to the conscience, and worship.
OBEY: (Grk.–hypakouete)-–This Greek verb is imperative, which denotes constant, daily obedience. This obedience extend to “all things;” both those things which the slave likes to do and those which are unpleasant. Understand that the mere act of obedience is not meant or sufficient. The manner in which the obedience takes place is important.
In things worldly, and not spiritual; in all things that are within a master's power, and it is lawful for him to command; and in all things that are fitting and proper that a servant should do; and even in such things as may be difficult, troublesome, and disagreeable to the flesh unto them; who those servants are that are to obey, and who their masters, said to be according to the flesh, to whom they are to be subject.
SERVANTS: (Grk.–douloi)-–The word here used denotes one who is bound to render service to another, whether that service be free or involuntary; and may denote, therefore, either a slave, or one who binds himself to render service to another, such as one who is hired by another.
This word is often used in these senses in the N.T. It cannot be demonstrated that the word here necessarily means slaves; though, if slavery existed among those to whom this epistle was written (as there can be little doubt that it did) it is a word which would apply to those in this condition. It was not the design of the Christian religion to produce a rude sundering of the ties which bind man to man, but to teach all to perform their duties aright in the relations in which Christianity found them, and gradually to modify the customs of society, and to produce ultimately the universal prevalence of that which is right.
ACCORDING TO THE FLESH: (Grk.–kata sarka)–Your masters in secular things; for they have no authority over your religion, nor over your soul.
“not with eye service,”–Another Pauline word (here only and Eph. 6:6); service while the master's eye was on the slave and no longer.
Paul here refers to one of the evils of involuntary servitude as it exists everywhere: that the slave will usually obey only when the eye of the master is upon him. The freeman, who agrees to labor for stipulated wages, may be trusted when the master is out of sight; but not the slave. Hence the necessity, where there are slaves, of having “drivers” who shall attend them, and who shall compel them to work. This evil it is impossible to avoid, except where true religion prevails–and the extensive prevalence of true religion would set the slave at liberty. Yet, as long as the relation exists, the Paul encourages service to be done as if to the Lord. This direction is one of great importance to all who are employed in the service of others. They are bound to perform their duty with as much fidelity as though the eye of the employer was always upon them, remembering that though the eye of man may be turned away, that of God never is.
AS MEN PLEASERS: (Grk.–hos anthrōpareskoi)—As if it were your main purpose to please men. The object should be rather to please and honor God. Not merely or principally for the purpose of pleasing men, with constrained or outward service only; but willingly, heartily, from regard to God, and for the purpose of pleasing Him.
“but in singleness of heart,”–With a simple, sincere desire to do what ought to be done. Without double-mindedness, or “eye service” (Eph. 6:6), which seeks to please outwardly, without the sincere desire to make the master's interest at all times the first consideration. Not merely through fear of punishment, but from a principle of uprightness, serving them as you would serve Christ. faithfulness. With readiness and cheerfulness, without hypocrisy and pretense, and with all integrity.
SINGLENESS: (Grk.–hapletēti)—Without duplicity, deception or deceitfulness..
“fearing God:”– The oldest manuscripts read, “the Lord.” That fearing God Himself to Whom their obedience is acceptable, they reverently, faithfully, and from the heart, obey their masters.
Fearing God Who sees and knows all things, what servants do when their masters are absent from them, and to whom they are accountable; and a servant that fears God will make conscience of discharging his Fearing God; service faithfully, will not misspend his master's time, nor embezzle his goods, or waste his substance; but from a principle of reverential affection for God, and fear of Him, with a concern for His name, and a view to His glory, will with all diligence, uprightness, faithfulness, and sincerity, do his duty, seek his master's good and interest, and cheerfully obey all his lawful commands.